For those of you who have only just discovered The Hoosiers I will start at the start, for those who claim prior knowledge of The Hoosiers, I suggest you skip this bit and join us at the next paragraph. Deal?

Quickly, for I have little time as I must pop to the shop to pick up some milk: The Hoosiers (formerly The Hoosier Complex) are a triumvirate of odd-pop from Exeter, Reading and Stockholm. Before they were a three piece, they were a two piece and before that they were three one pieces. Its simple maths really, not rocket surgery - which, ironically, is where Irwin, (vocal "assaultist") met Alfonso - formerly Alan (stick-ferret/drums) - ten years prior, in a local school band named Ronnie Rocket and the Rocket Surgeons.

But just where did that delightful moniker come from?
Prithee listen, but more importantly read and Irwin will tell you about a year in Indiana, the
Hoosier-state:

"Applying for footy scholarships at an American college I wouldn't say that we lied as such, it's just that Alf wasn't really playing for Crystal Palace and on the video they'd seen of me, I wasn't the 30 year old wrestler seen banging in all those goals", clarifies Irwin. "Still, if they wanted to pay our way we weren't gonna stop them. Course our allergies to running, ironically, caught up with us and here we are. Without that hefty dose of failure though, The Hoosiers wouldn't have happened. So I'm happy about that and we're proud to wear the mantle of The Hoosiers!"

But what about Martin, perhaps you can elucidate Alfonso? "Gladly", says he:
"Three year ago we were up cack-alley. Booked in a studio under Brick Lane with a bassist that had ceased to exist � he'd done one on us alright and who should be the engineering assistant but our very own bright-eyed and bushy tailed Skarendahl. Meant to be, I tells you".
Needing a bassist like a stray dog needs a Big Issue vendor avec string, Al and Irwin had the Swedish maestro, Martin "sleeping, walking, eating, talking"
Skarendahl, swagger into their lives via a couple of years working through Oslo and Paris on his very own European pilgrimage.

Let me break it down for you:

10 things you (and sometimes Martin) didn't know about Martin unless you're his mum
- Martin has no conscience
- He can dance in 7 languages
- He can speak 4.
- His middle names are Lars and Otto (ironically "and"
is the middle word there, but alas not one of his middle names).
- His eyes are steely blue
- He has a copper beard of fierce bronze that has oft
been mistaken for a raging inferno on his face.
- He plays many instruments well.
- He's a man of moderation
- He exceeds all expectations
- He is Martin.

10 things you didn't know about Alfonso
- Alf has no thumbs
- He can barely speak one language
- Ray is his middle name (now if we can just find a
Ray with Alfonso as his middle name we've got a full
set)
- He was born in Exeter (though he claims he's Reading
through and through)
- He has 3 fingers on one foot
- He has 9 toes on one hand
- He has a winning laugh on the other hand
- He can breathe underwater
- He was once mistaken for a goat (this is actually
true!)
- He is taller than most cats

10 things you didn't want to know about Irwin
- He holds the current world record for "most talking
without heeding interruptions or lack of interest"
- Speaks GCSE level English and French (grade C)
- Once dressed as Pamela Anderson for his speech for
the position of Head Boy at 6th Form. Didn't get the job.
- Still buys clothes he plans to grow into, later�when
he's got a minute
- Once bought discounted polo's from Boots, selling
them on at school for a profit of 15p per tube. This was during the Woodley-polo prohibition and is made all the more daring for being so.
- Is physically incapable of talking to girls. He just
can't do it.
- Got laughed at by Chris Evans on Euston station
platform number 4, it's assumed that it was for being dressed as a Spaceman, otherwise that's just plain rude, Chris.
- Ate a whole Mr Kipling sponge cake in 20 seconds.
- Invented the word: "jigalicious". It failed to
ignite the scene.
- Can't spell the word: "lknfhg;lksafajslkgjjfs'j'l".
See.

But it wasn't till late last summer when a very brave, but also sensible and wise, record company known as RCA - which I believe stands for Rotund Cardiovascular Atrocity - put their faith in these three misfits.
They are soon to be rewarded with an album of the most sound-defying-ocity-ness. In fact while we're on the subject I think you should definitely come down to a gig at:
- WATER RATS, at KINGS CROSS on:
- Feb 22nd, Mar 8th or Mar 22nd (all Thursdays)
Yeah, in fact that's a great idea. You'll really love it, oh you will, you will!

Now for some info regarding the album: It will be your standard album size, featuring songs and singing all to the accompaniment of many an instrument. A hoot you can ill afford to miss, I'm sure you'll agree.
Through the months of recording in the wastelands of Buckinghamshire there have been angry cows to avoid, stringed and brass minstrels to record and wizards and goblins to ride upon rainbows with. This album even boasts at least one solo from a household hoover.

But what's that? Not enough, you cry? You want all things Hoosier and you want it now? Well feast your peepers and lug-holes on this:
www.myspace.com/thehoosiers
And when you're through with that, why not try this on for size, buster:
www.thehoosiers.co.uk

You're probably wandering how to claim your ten billion pounds; all you have to do is send us one million pounds and as long as at least ten other people do likewise you have a one in ten chance of claiming, wait for it, ten million pounds.

Thanks for reading. I'm Dirk Bandana, I will be scribing the Hoosiers Fortnightly (i.e, bi-weekly, or 'fourt'een nightly) newsletter. The Hoosiers hired me because I am fearless, work well under pressure and have a dynamite wit, but principally I have this job because my uncle is Head of Sony Finance and I have an NVQ in journalism.